Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Letters from Rehab #2

Wow, I am overwhelmed with the positive feedback I've received from just the first entry! I had a feeling people would dig it and as soon as I posted it I couldn't wait to starting typing up the second one. I need to point out in the last one, the only time I wrote an actual date I ended up writing "11/12/11" which is completely wrong. It should have been 5/12/11. I don't know if that was just a simple mistake or if my recovering brain really had absolutely know idea what date it was. I wouldn't put it past myself if I truly had no clue, but it was enough for me to sit back and think about it.

Also, I don't know how accurate the "Days" are. Everything is kind of a jumbled mess of thoughts so don't put too much thought into when exactly these events happened.

Some of this is hard to read again. I come off as a child a lot (more so than usual) in the sense that I seem so incredibly innocent. Like a kid writing his parents from summer camp. Everything is very "to the point" and you can tell there are things I am trying to express but I can't find the words to properly say it. I think this is when I really start you just let it all out.

It was really hard not to correct the spelling errors, now matter how much Spell Check egged me on.

That said, I bring you part 2...

Day 4:
Wake up feeling great today. Busy as fuck though. I've realized these past few days how out of place I am. I think I'm the most innocent person here. Although I have a bunch of friends, almost every single person here has done every fucking drug known to man. Seriously. I'm the only one who has JUST an alcohol problem. They sit and talk about the times they had been in prison, all the heroin, crack, LSD, and all that shit. I've even seen some of the most disgusting track marks on people's arms. 

I am so out of my element. Ha ha.

Oh man the stories I could tell you. I've had to leave the group sometimes because the stories are just too gross. Abusing family members, car crashes, overdoses, you name it I've heard about it. Luckily I hang with the crowd that "isn't as bad" as any of that. Whats funny is in out group we have a guy that looks like Sam Rockwell, another Seth Rogan (complete with laugh) and the new guy that looks like Jerry O'Connell. Scary! It's kinda sad though cuz a lot of my buddies are checking out soon. It feels like I've known them forever. The cool news is that I've been doing so well they might be giving me a "little brother" How cool is that?

-So we are in Study Hall right now as I write this. BORING! And my "girlfriend" just walked in. Just kidding. Boys and girls aren't allowed to interact here at all. Everything is kept separate. My guess is to no distract us.  Doesn't mean I can't look "WINK WINK" but this girl is sooo beautiful. They even split the class room in half but I always make sure to get to class early so I can sit accross the aisle from her. Girls are an addiction too!

Today we had a class about Family Disfunction. She described the 4 types of children. Tell me is this seems familiar...

Family Clown- Takes others before him. Is fragile, needs attention, suffers from lonliness and depression. Doesn't handle stress. Always goes for the "good girl" type. Uses alcohol to either "get off stage" or to "improve his act"

The other one that struck me was...

Lonely Child- Lives in a fantasy world. Very quiet. Day dreams a lot. Very artistic talents such as painting and music. Has a unique interest in animals. Uses alcohol for power and confidence, esspecially in social situations.

And fuuuuuuuuuuuuuusion!

-Today I gained a new room mate here in the ol detox room. I thought the dude was dead for a while because he slept all fucking day in the same position. 

He has finally awoken! Apparently he's a heroin addict. I SMELL A SITCOM!!

We had a brief conversation, he passed out again for awhile, wake up and introduced himself again like we had never met before. Craziness. Best part, he snores. Just when I was started getting good nights of sleep.

UPDATE: Later at night before bed we heard all this comossion ( I cant spell) while me and some guys were chilling on the bench outside my room smoking. Apparently the new girl brought PCP onto the grounds and her and two other girls got busted! 10 minutes later an van pulls up and hauls their asses out. They were kicked out of the program. Which leads us to...

Did I really end this on a cliffhanger? Who leaves a letter with a cliffhanger? Major props to myself for that one.

I'll make a few comments before I wrap this up...

1) Those guys in my group really did resemble those celebrities, it was almost uncanny. Especially "Seth Rogan", I mean the laugh alone was a DEAD ringer. And although I didn't mention it in the letter, I'm assuming it was implied that I was the other celebrity in the group, Edward Norton.

2) My "girlfriend" was super hot. Cutest little heroin addict you ever did see. I haven't thought about her until I read this again. I might have said 5 words to her the whole time we were there. 4 of those words were when we were in the same van together leaving the grounds forever.

3) I talk about my room mate looking almost dead and not remembering us talking. Sadly, I would have been the same way had I not been thrown into a room all by myself because I needed "special attention" I was told later by the nurses that I never remembered anything they did or said, which isn't surprising.

Well that's all for now. Part 3 will probably be posted tomorrow...


Sara said...

You've been through so much. It really makes me sad that we lost touch as cousins when Rex moved to Florida and we didn't see you guys and Uncle Phil very often. I think they had a falling out? And then Rex took a crap as a father when I was 17 and that was the last time I heard from the Foster side of the family until Aunt Leanna and Rachel found me on Facebook. You were the cutest damn kid ever. I think I vaguely remember something about a dinosaur bedroom, maybe? Anyway, Aunt Patty would be very proud of you and how you've pulled through the hardships in your life. I very much miss her. She was an amazing and loving woman.

I know that *I* am proud of you and I'm glad that I'm able to glimpse into your life even after so long. Even if you don't remember much about Liz or I. :) You were pretty young.

bluedrakon said...

I wonder if it was helpful for you to see that there were others more screwed in the head than you at the time. It is good to hear stories from others with addictions as it can usually help us to wake up to the terror and distress we cause others while 'under the influence'.

Glad they kept the population segregated as it may of not been helpful. Sometimes we need to be able to focus on ourselves without the need to gather attention from others - especially hot chicks.

Keep the posts coming as it will be helpful for others to understand that their addictions are not their own.