45 Funny Thoughts on Life...

Somebody sent me a link to this and I thought it was pretty funny. I DID NOT come up with these myself. I have no idea who did because there was no name attached to give cred for. On wellz, enjoy!

1. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
3. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
4. That’s enough, Nickelback.
5. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
6. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
7. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message board or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.
8. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
9. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.
10. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
11. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
12. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
13. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I trying to finish a text.
14. Was learning cursive really necessary?
15. LOL has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.
16. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
17. Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
18. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
20. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)…ummm…Goonies”
21. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.
22. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
23. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
24. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
25. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
26. Bad decisions make good stories.
27. Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!
28. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem.
29. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
30. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.
31. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
32. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
33. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.
34. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
35. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
36. When I meet a new person, I’m terrified of mentioning something they haven’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
37. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
38. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…
39. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
40. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
41. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.
42. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…
43. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
44. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
45. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat %$#@! before dinner.

Friendship...

I made a post recently about my friend making his employees believe he is Superman, which was hilarious! But we have both gone through some hard times and always feel the same way when it comes to helping people. He sent me this personal message on Facebook and allowed me to share it with you all...

"""Isn't it interesting how life experiences effect people in different ways? You always hear about how some people are changed forever by certain circumstances that occur in their lives, or by the ones around them. What I find even more interesting is how the same incidents that effect different people can provoke different reactions. I believe if they happen when we are young enough that it can mold us to whom we are today and who we become in the future. I thought a lot about this ever since I lost my brother. The person it has made me is something I'm both afraid of, and proud of in different ways. On one hand, I feel like I have become desensitized by almost everything. It's almost like nothing effects me anymore. I have had relationships come and go and really not feel anything from it. I see others who have problems in their lives, and depending on the degree of the situation I just gaze and think to myself, why are they letting this effect them? I wouldn't let it bother me. Have I lost my heart, my soul? Do I not have feelings? Then I take a step back and I literally have to think about this persons emotions and how they feel, and why it's effecting them. It scares me for a split second, why don't I feel like this? Should I? Have I ever? Then the other half of me seems to understand what people go through and it makes me want to help. It almost bothers me to see people stress about everyday situations that they can not control. I do not understand it. I consider myself to acknowledge, act, and move on very quickly to any situation that any other person would dwell on for any given time. Then there's always that other half of me that chimes in and wants to help. I think about it and wonder why? Why do I want to help someone? Is it because my brother died and nobody could help him? Is it because I want to make sure nobody has to feel that same way I did, or is it because I truly care about people in general? I like to think that I'm like you Sean, I put others before myself. I really do not matter to me, as long as everyone is else is ok, I know I'm going to be just fine. Sean, if you remember one thing I tell you remember this, everyone who knows you, your friends, family, co-workers, all know who you truly are. We all know you are a very loving, passionate, selfless individual and I commend you on that. Never change my friend. As for the individuals around us who are the exact opposite of us, consider them opportunities. These "opportunities" are the very same individuals who need someone like you. Whatever you do, do not let their acts of ignorance, immaturity, and selfishness effect who you are Sean. Keep your head up..."""

Just wanted to share that...

Near Accident...

Was almost in a serious car crash today and I'm just going to copy and paste the email I sent to my friends right after it happened...

"""I was just driving back to my house and seriously could have almost been killed in a fucking accident. I'm doing about 50 in a 45 mph street, as is everyone else, when this fucking truck up ahead is obviously NOT paying attention and pulls out right into the middle of the street! He was trying to get to the neighborhood across the street and decided he could "make it" and accelerated. My mind is racing so fast I couldn't even believe what I was seeing so I slammed on the breaks as hard as I possibly could. My car skids for about 10-15 if I was to guess while I am turning the wheel to the right. I was in too much shock to slam on the horn but I do actually remember screaming "What the fuck" as loud as I ever have in my entire life. The whole thing went so fast and I see as my car missed his front bumper by about a foot or less and I skid to a stop in the middle of the road. I am absolutely frozen about 10 seconds or so when i hear a honk. I look to my right and it's this older guy in his 50's with his window down. I snap out of it and lower my window and he was yelling "Are you OK?? What the hell was that asshole doing he almost killed both of us! I can't believe he actually accelerated!" I nodded my head. "I have to say though that was unbelievable. I can't believe you got your car around him like that. Are you sure you are OK?" I told him I was fine and that my house is just down the road and he gives me a thumbs up and drives away.

It was nice of him to compliment my maneuver but at the time I was in so much shock I couldn't even register what had just happened. I looked behind me to see where the truck was and I assume he drove away in fear. I had contemplated turning around and going into the neighborhood that he was so desperate to get to that he didn't mind endangering people's lives, but my entire body was literally trembling and I couldn't even think straight so I pulled my car to the side and I just sat there for a couple minutes with my hazards on while I collected myself. I didn't want to drive in that condition. I'm still shaking a bit now and that was 30 minutes ago."""

Then after laying down for a bit and the initial shock wore off I went back to my email and said this to my friends...

"""Yeah I haven't been thinking too hard about the driver, I've just been thinking about the fact that it actually happened. I have never in my life been that scared before, ever!! It was SO CLOSE. So fucking close. Doing 50 down the road and then have something pop out like that is insane! It's like dodging a brick wall that pops out of nowhere and you just have to slam on the breaks and pray that you somehow get around it.

There was a quick realization that while I was skidding towards him he was still moving forward and my heart basically stops as I see myself getting closer and closer to his front tire. I then suddenly feel my steering wheel turning to the right. I don't remember him stopping but he must have because I felt my car skidding at an angle like Mario Kart and instead of seeing his front tire in my front windshield I was now seeing his headlights passing right by my face on my side windows.

I am so so so so so lucky. If it was another car it still would have been bad, but running straight on into a fucking truck? I'm trying to get the image out of my head..."""

I've done my best to describe it in as much detail as I can and even that doesn't feel like it does it justice. Obviously things like this happen so fast it doesn't even seem real and instincts just kick into gear. My tiny car would have been completely fucked by this truck. Seeing the image of the front end of the truck as it barely grazes mine is literally going to haunt me the rest of my life. When I pulled up to my neighborhood I parked the car and was about to get out but my legs were trembling so much I just decided to sit there for several minutes, slammed my head on the steering wheel and fucking balled my eyes out.

I can honestly say I have never, ever, ever, ever, EVER been so scared in my entire life. It was way too fucking close...

Superhero Complex

I have a huge superhero complex. I just want to help people but I am not really able to. I am sick of all the hate in this world and I hate when bad things happened to good people and I am unable to do anything about it. I'm sure I've said this a million times before but it's true.

But I also like to have fun with it. While I am at work I am always making some sort of Spider-man reference, or trying to use The Force, or even a Superman reference every now and then. I love comics and making references to these heroes makes me happy. When I first started working at my current job several years ago my manager at the time ended up becoming a really good friend of mine til this day. He was as obsessed with Superman as I was Spider-man. We would always talk about these heroes and geek out. He eventually left this job to pursue another but our geek talks will never die.

I continue to make my silly Spider-man, Batman, and Star Wars references at work and everyone knows me for doing so. Several years ago I had actually tried to HINT to my boss the reason I was always so tired at work was not because I don't sleep at night but because I'm actually out fighting crime to all hours of the night.

My Superman friend took it a few steps further. At his new job he likes to try and convince his staff that he is Superman. Not straight out tell them, but with subtle little hints. When someone leaves the price gun in a random place, he'll be sure to find it and relocate it to a random part of the store. When a staff member comes and asks him if he's seen the price gun he will squint his eyes (using his X-ray vision) and tell them it's in a specific spot across the store. They walk away dumbfounded as to how he knew.

He also once unscrewed part of the handrail in the backroom stairs early in the morning so that later when him and a staff member were walking on the stairs he "accidentally" pulled the railing off claiming. When the employee asked him how he did that he claimed "he didn't know his own strength".

Absolutely brilliant. I was laughing my ass off when he told me these stories. There were more but I can't remember them right now.

It's definitely true, geeks have the most fun...

Questions for Nein Nunb?

So I'm pretty sure by now most people know how much I love Star Wars. Last night an interesting thing happened while I was on Twitter. A friend that I have met though The Kevin Pollak Chat Show, who lives all the way over in Scotland, informed me that he was acquainted with Mike Quinn. As a geek I am familiar with him because he was not only the puppeteer of Nien Nunb from Return of the Jedi, but he also helped Frank Oz with Yoda! Fucking Yoda! He's also done countless work with Jim Henson such as Fraggle Rock, The Great Muppet Caper, The Dark Crystal, and even animated for A Bug's Life and the 50's style Woody's Round Up segment in Toy Story 2 for Pixar!

Down at Fraggle Rock!

Nein Nunb! Coolest Sullustan ever? I think so...

So my friend on Twitter said that not only would he try to get me an autograph (boss!) but that if I wanted I should compile a bunch of questions for him that he is totally willing to answer and that I can post on my blog as an interview! I thought that was pretty bad ass. I did ask a question already though if he had done the voice as well and here was his response...

"All the Jedi creatures were dubbed in post for continuity etc. In fact we knew Jabba and others would be dubbed because they were supposed to be speaking alien languages. So I actually wrote all my lines as proper English sentences so that they would make sense to Billy Dee. Ben Burt used a Kenyan intern who was around for the Nunb at Skywalker during looping for the movie long after we were done"

I loved that he referred to him as "the Nunb"

So I obviously have to get down some questions. I'd be happy to take suggestions from all you guys as well! If you are a die hard Star Wars and Muppets fan throw some questions my way. To me this is a really cool opportunity to talk to someone who has worked side by side with George Lucas, Frank Oz, and Jim Henson!

And to finish it off a great Nien Nunb video...

Breaking and Entering

After an incredibly crazy day at work due to an upcoming blizzard all I wanted to do was home and and rest my back. My back has been doing a lot better lately because of my mattress but today was so crazy at work that it only took about an hour or so til I was in pain. As I pulled my car up I noticed two of my neighbors talking and one of them did not look happy. As I was walking by the one guy stopped me. He lives on the top floor, same as me, right across the hall and is one of the few neighbors who is actually nice to me. He asked if I was just getting home from work and I told him yes.

He then explained that his condo was broken into. He had several flat screen HDTV's, stereo system, Nintendo Wii, watches, his girlfriend's jewelry, and a mess load of other stuff all taken. He told me he left early in the morning around 6 and got back at around 3. I told him I left at 9:20 today and I hadn't seen anything. He's trying to find out what kind of time frame this could have happened. After talking with a few other neighbors it most likely happened between 11 and 1. This is simply amazing to me considering that not only are we a very quiet neighborhood and that this happened in broad daylight, but also that this guy lives on the 3rd floor like me. That's several flights of stairs you have to go up and down and NOBODY sees it happen. There were probably several people but even my neighbor said that even with like 4 guys they would have had to at least take 3-4 trips with the amount of stuff they took. I felt terrible because he's a younger guy like me and we live in a neighborhood of old people who don't like us even though we do nothing to bother anyone.

Since we both live on the top floor our condo's have an upstairs loft. That's where I basically live. One neighbor asked if it was possible they came in through the window of the loft because it's right next to part of the roof. If I wanted too I could easily open my window, take off the screen, and go walk on the roof. There are people always doing work on the roof ( I should know, I hear it constantly) so people were wondering if they could have come in that way. That was unsettling for me because my bed is right up against that window and I often leave it open to let the cool air in. Now I have to be fucking worried about someone coming into my house through a window 40 feet up?? Jesus...

The guy said they came in through the front door because when he got home from work he went to unlock the door only to find that the deadbolt had been pried open with a crowbar or something. Ouch. So when he first told me about all this he was like "I literally just got home 10 minutes ago. I'm standing outside to ask people if they have seen anything and to check if anyone got into their place" That scares the fuck out of me and I run up the stairs to my place. My door is still locked and my dog starts barking loudly like he always does and a sudden calm comes over me. Nobody in their right mind would try to come into my house if they heard a dog that large barking. And although that is very comforting it's still not enough. I never in a million years thought this would happen in my neighborhood and especially to us people on the top floor. It's too inconvenient! The bottom floor, maybe, but not the top.

I just have to wonder, was this a personal thing? Did they check other buildings? Did they test every door in the condo and just settled for this guys place? The whole thing is fucked up and I hate that things like this happen. That someone could actually seem to lack any type of conscious whatsoever to break into a complete stranger's house and take their valuables. My neighbor's girlfriend was on the verge of tears because all of her dead grandmother's jewelry was taken. These types of people just don't fucking think about the effects of their actions. They don't care because they are heartless. I really wish I hadn't been working today, I really do. I hear everything that goes on in that hallway, everything.

I hate so many people in this world it's literally incomprehensible. I really hope they catch these guys...

What scares you...?

There are few things that scare me in life. The first is spiders and the second is ghosts.

Do I believe in ghosts? Hard to say. I am definitely interested in them though. Ever since I was a kid I was always watching creepy shows on TV about ghosts and aliens. My mom would always yell at me to turn them off because they would give me nightmares but I would never listen, even though I knew she was right. I was a sick kid. lol. I loved to get scared and then would hate myself that night when it was time for bed and I couldn't sleep. Dreams of ghosts would haunt my mind and keep me up til the sun came up.
Now that I am older these things still disturb me. Spiders mainly since I see them all the time. Ghosts not so much as it's all in my head. I was honestly excited to see the movie Paranormal Activity because I was looking for a movie to actually scare me. It was cool and I enjoyed it but I was actually able to go home that night and sleep peacefully. I thought it was going to prevent me from sleeping for days! So I was disappointed in that regard. A movie hasn't really scared me in a decade because horror movies suck now these days except for one. And it's not even a horror movie it's more of a suspense. Plus, there are no ghosts.

The Strangers.
Man that movie was awesome. I hadn't been that creeped out since the original Halloween. I didn't have nightmares about it but every time I walked my dog outside near the woods or I passed by a window in my condo I had shivers go down my spine.

Which brings me to the reason for this whole post. Last night I somehow stumbled upon a youtube video that brought back terrible, terrible memories. It's from the original TV mini-series for Stephen King's Salem's Lot. When I saw this as a kid there was this one scene that prevented me from sleeping for god knows how long. Luckily I have the clip right here for all to view! *shudder*

Salem's Lot- Kid at Window

If you didn't click on the video I have to make you view a screen shot...

Sweet merciful crap!! That scene ruined my life. In my sick twisted imagination that little boy was outside my window every fucking night for weeks scratching, scratching, scratching at my window but I would never let him in. I would pull the covers over my head and hope he would just go away, but he never did because he was in my mind.

I thought that maybe seeing that scene again as an adult would be less creepy but no, it's just as unsettling.

Anyone remember this scene? If not, what prevented you from sleeping as a kid?