Wednesday, March 13, 2013

McDonald's Rage

There's a reason I refer to Walmart as "Hive. Scum. Villainy." Once in a Blue Moon I will find myself there to check out their assortment of shirts (Read: Superheros and Star Wars) and in the 10 minutes I was there today it took every ounce of my being not to Hulk Out on the masses.

I've lost a ridiculous amount of weight recently but every once in awhile I gotta indulge myself. There's a McDonald's inside the Walmart and I'd been meaning to try out their new Onion Bacon Cheddar burger so I figured why the hell not. With only two people in front of me I thought this would be quick and painless but the old lady before me wasn't quite ready and instead of letting me go ahead I had to stand and wait for her to look over the menu. Her husband wobbled over on his cane and proceeded to do the same. Whatever, their old, I can deal. I'm in no rush.

It's during this 5 minute waiting period a McDonald's employee comes out and flips the Breakfast menu sign to the normal menu. It was this moment where two individuals walked in and the change in menu was the last thing they wanted to see. The woman, lets call her "Gilbert Grape's Mom" let out a "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" and her boyfriend, who reminded me of Chi McBride of Boston Public fame, was equally displeased. Their anger echoed through the restaurant for everyone to hear. This was not fair and they were going to make their voices heard, much to all our dismay, and since they took their place in line right behind me I was lucky enough to get it all directly in my ear.

Finally it's my turn. Being ready for the past 7 minutes I ask for two burgers and am quickly told "we're not doing that let." This puzzles me as the other employee who switched the sign is trying to calm GG's Mom and Chi McBride because they are being denied breakfast. The whole situation doesn't make sense as I find myself in some sort of breakfast/lunch limbo but I play their game and cautiously asked for 2 Egg McMuffins.

Sorry Sean, they only have ONE Egg McMuffin. *Sigh* Alright, fine. Gimmie one so I can get the fuck out of here and learn my lesson to never do this again. While I'm waiting for the food I didn't even really want, GG's Mom and Chi are raging louder than ever. They don't understand why they can't get their Egg McMuffins and incessantly point at a big decal sign sticking in the window that says "2 Egg McMuffins for $3." Now I'm laughing because I know this is not going to end well for them as I just ordered the very last Egg McMuffin. The cashier lady is simply taking in all their hate and I can see it in her face she's about to crack. GG's Mom doesn't grasp the fact that the sign in the window doesn't represent the amount of Egg McMuffins they have in stock and continues to push the cashier's buttons.

The whole restaurant is looking in our direction and I'm starting to feel pretty uncomfortable. Obviously the cashier was too and she gave in.

"How many Egg McMuffins do you want?"

I did a double take. Wait..The hell? But you told me...

GG's Mom: Finally! Jesus..I want two and he wants two. That's what we came for! Look! We have our $6 right here!

Cashier: There's tax too.

GG's Mom: *Long pause. Turns to Chi* Do you have any change?


My number is called and the woman hands me my bag, "One Egg McMuffin, right?" Since I'm clearly agitated I reply, "Apparently, since I seemed to have ordered in the 5 second gap where you ran out."

The whole situation was ridiculous and I'm not even mad they lied to me, really. It's just frustrating if you act like a big enough asshole, or throw up enough of a stink, you'll get your way.