"YOU ARE A GAS STATION!"

So last night my friends threw me a nice little birthday party dealy. Nothing big and crazy, as I requested, but super awesome. One of my friends got me the Marvel Comics Encyclopedia which is fucking huge and my other buddy got me a how to draw manga kit complete with miniature posable mannequin. I've wanted one of these mannequins for the longest time so that really made me happy. The rest of the night consisted of Smash Bros on the N64 (of course) and beer pong. My friend and I actually had an EPIC comeback in pong that was so fucking awesome. It was a sight to behold.

This morning though sucked ass. After having such a great time last night of course something had to go wrong today. I was obviously hungover as hell and all I wanted to do was get back home and relax. My car was parked several blocks away so it wasn't a fun walk considering my backpack was stuffed and I was carrying my manga kit and cinderblock of an Encyclopedia. Once I reach my car I get in and try to start it. The engine runs but as soon as I touch the pedal the damn thing dies. WTF?! Being that I'm on a steep hill it's hard enough trying to get out of that parking space. If there is a car in front of me, like there was this time, you have to start the car and quickly put it in reverse so you don't hit the car. I was apparently lucky today because there was a patch of snow blocking my front tires. So in my hungover state of mind I for whatever reason think that I can't get my car moving because of this patch of snow, which is completely idiotic considering the car just turned off and that's why it couldn't move. So I called my "friend" and I use that term loosely (just kidding bra!), to come help and push my car out. Obviously that wasn't the problem and so I showed him how I can start the car but as soon as I put my foot on the gas pedal it dies. His first instinct was to call Triple A (AAA), which I don't have, but I have emergency call service with Geico. I told him, dude, I think it's actually the gas. I was almost positive I had a quarter of a tank left when I parked there last night and now my gauge is telling me it's empty. Something is amiss...

So my buddy gets his car and we drive to the nearby gas station. There are about 12 of them on this road so we figured we could go in and get a gas canister to fill up and take it back to my car. We stop at the first station, the Getty, and I go in and ask. The guy gives me this look and says "Sorry man, we don't have that"

"................."

"YOU ARE A GAS STATION! You don't have a gas canister?? "

"No sorry, u might want to try the Sunoco next door, they've gotta have one!"

"Yeah, because they are a REAL gas station"

So I get back in my friends car and tell him the bad news. We then go over to the Sunoco and I go in. I ask if the have any gas canisters. He gives me that awkward look and inhales through clenched teeth. "Don't think we have that..."

"YOU ARE A GAS STATION!"

"Hold on, let me check in the back room"

He goes to the "back room" which from what I can see just looks like a cellar. I see him looking around and finally his eyes fall to the floor and he pick up and dirty ass red canister. Thank the fucking maker! So he gives it to me and charges me $2.72 on my Visa Check card because it's a gallon sized jug. Then he tells me there is a $7 deposit on the jug. I say "OK" and then we stare at each other awkwardly for awhile until he says "So do you have $7?" and I say "Dude, ur holding my Visa in ur hands. Swipe it again, I don't care" and he says "Deposits are only cash"

FML.....

So we come to an agreement. He will hold my Visa hostage until I come back. FINE! Good! Just let me take the damn gas to my car already. So I go outside and starting filling this tiny plastic jug with gas. It's such a strange feeling filling something that isn't ur gas tank. It should also be noted that he didn't have a cap for it. So I get into my friends car with an open container of gasoline.

He says "Just please god don't spill that in my car.... and why the fuck didn't they give u a cap??"

I told him they didn't have one. And then as we are driving away it hits me...

How the fuck am I supposed to pour this in my tank without a nozzle? This thing was so awkwardly shaped that it would be impossible to pour it in the tank. So we turn around and go BACK to the gas station. The guy is standing outside when we pull up so I put the window down and ask..

"U didn't give me a cap but is there something u can give me to actually pour this in my gas tank?"

He gives this kinda weird eye roll of confusion and walks into the store. I didn't budge from the car. I thought I would wait for him to bring me nothing. I mean, if he had just randomly found a gas container for me with no lid then obviously the poor soul had no idea where the spout would be. Next thing ya know my friend is telling me that the dude is signaling me. He's in the store waving to get attention from us because he has used the metal sliding tray that they normally use after hours, to give me a funnel! Wow a funnel! That's actually very useful and will definitely help! But here's the kicker. It's not a real funnel.

It's a fucking paper cone cup with the tip cut off....

I "thank" the guy and I leave, still concerned that my Visa is being locked in a tower guarded by a dragon until my return. So my friend takes me back to my car and I have to use the damn snowcone cup to pur gas in my car. It, of course, goes everyone when I start out and I get gas all over my left hand. Perfect. Luckily though, it was a gas problem so I didn't have to call Geico, and I was able to drive back home.

Well that was a long one. Hope u enjoyed my misery. And a note to all people who work at a gas station. If you don't carry gas canisters u are fucking retarded!!