Monday, June 15, 2009

Two Bad Neighbors Part 1

I've been out and about for awhiles now so I feel I owe it to everyone to post a long one. This might be broken into a 2 parter. After two awesome/relaxing vacations (Pittsburgh and Chesapeke Bay) I am back in the real world and am already angry again. That didn't take very long. One day.

But first a brief story about this past weekend.

So I'm back from the Chesapeake Bay. Went down there for the weekend with a group of friends (17??) for my buddy's birthday celebration. 17 is a lot of people for such a tiny place on the water but we for the most part made it work. The only real downfall was the tsunami that hit us late Saturday night. More than half the group were spending the night out in tents and it just started pouring! Tents trying to blow away, the whole yard turned into a muddy swamp in less than 5 minutes. It was cool at first to be outside in (I love when it gets REALLY windy) but then people's shit was getting soaked and we had to find a way for 17 people to sleep indoors with only 2 guest beds and 2 couches.

I got no sleep that night on the floor. But it was an amazing day anyway.

Then I come back home and the first thing I do is walk my dog. As we're strolling through the grass I almost slip and kill myself on a big ol piece of crap. How do you not pick up your dogs shit? I live in a condo development so none of us really have backyards and have to walk around the neighborhood letting the dogs do their sinful business on the few grassy areas. When I first moved here I was so used to just letting my dog out in our backyard that I was completely oblivious to picking up my dog's doodie. Until some lady yelled at me. That was all I needed to hear. I realized my mistake and since then I always pick it up. And on the occasions that I forget. I will go back inside my house, get a grocery bag, and go back out and get it.

But not everyone is as super awesome as I am.

But here's the real kicker. The condo development was kind enough to place these dog droppings containers and bags. It's basically a stand with a doggy bag dispenser and a small trashcan underneath. Not only that, I think they put up MORE than they actually needed to! I guess the development realized just how fucking lazy these people are. It doesn't hurt to walk another 50 feet. I should know, I need to shed some pounds myself! So when I see the development go out of their way to help keep this neighborhood clean and make it easy for everyone, only to notice that I am still stepping in SHIT infuriates me to no end.

What else have the condo people done for us lately? They put speed bumps in my neighborhood. There's only 2, but I feel it should help. For you see the 4 speed limit signs in my neighborhood were not enough to get people to actually drive 15 miles per hour. Yeah 15 can be pretty damn painful but there are children in this neighborhood! 2 years ago I had one of those tv/movie moments where the rubber bouncing ball went out into the street and a small girl went running after it. Since I was going about 15 miles per hour I was able to stop in time. She was still about 20 feet away, but someone doing about 30 down the street like they normally do might have had a problem.

But the speed bumps don't seem to help much either. My favorite person in the world "Scottie LeDouche" as I refer to him still does 30-40 down the road. I have downstairs neighbors (that actually talk to me and call me by name) that have a 4 year old and a 7 year old. They like to play outside and ride bikes and scooters. But that doesn't stop Scottie LeDouche. He'll come flying down that road likes he's trying to win The Kessel Run. It's sad that most of the people in my neighborhood drive a lot like him and it won't be until they stike a child or maybe even a dog to learn their lesson. But apparently that's the world we live in. It's cool to drive fast. I wouldn't know, I never thought I was cool and I never will. Scottie LeDouche is a sad pathetic late 30's early 40's dude desperately trying to hold on to whatever youth he has left. When I called him out on his actions awhiles back he referred to me a "some dumb punk" Coming from the jerkass who drives like a speed demon, throws a beer bottle at me and my dog(that was from an old blog back on Facebook), and in general is just a plain douche (hence the name) his words don't seem to affect me that much. But sadly, I see him every day. I walk Kenobi around 3:15 when I get home from work. Halfway through our walk Scottie gets home, flys down the road, I stare him down the whole time, he walks into his house, grabs two little white terrier dogs, lets them pee once, then drags them inside. All before Kenobi and I get back up the street to our place. He must really love those dogs.

But at least I know it's not his dog poop I'm stepping in since he doesn't even give them a change to go...

Next time I shall discuss more why my brother and I are considered the bad neighbors and what prompted them to hang this banner from their balcony!


Ninoska Andrea...Rachel Ellen said...

Hahahaha...Sean...this made me laugh out loud on a number of occaisions. I especially like the name Scottie Ledouche for your douche bag neighbor! I think I'm gonna see you tomorrow at the BBQ- yayyy!!!

Mark said...

Please tell me someone actually hung that on their balcony and then you asked them who the neighbors were. The man and his boy? I don't know the name of the man, the boy's name is Bart. Barr?! I'm not getting involved, and so on

Alyson said...

Maile has had somewhat of a stomachache lately and even now, I would never considering not picking up her poop.

Besides, it would just be extra slippery. If you catch my meaning. To preserve her dog modesty, I cannot go into further detail.